yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
