he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
