Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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