How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize