I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
