how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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