I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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