We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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