how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
