Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
