Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Randomize
