hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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