Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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