If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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