No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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