She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Semen is not good for contacts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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