no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
