So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
