Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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