My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
why is half of my head shaved?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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