Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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