ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
