i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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