I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
