i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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