she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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