As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
