Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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