Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
