I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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