I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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