im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
