Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
