Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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