I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
this is an emotional support booty call
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
