I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
