Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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