I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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