Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
