is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
