Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
