I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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