I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
