if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
