I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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