it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
