i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
