i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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