I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
