she was so not down for the gang bang
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
