She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
