That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
