we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
