I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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